Double Standard

[This Golden Oldie was first published on 25^th July 1996]

Double Standard

I had been lucky to squeeze into a place at the back of the court. The CNN cameras were up front, and the hot arc lights were glaring straight into the judge's face. He bravely pretended not to notice.

The judge was Justice Nyandetal, whose judgements are now famous all over the world. This was Judgement Day, on CNN.

Justice Nyandetal: Before I pass judgement, has the accused anything to say in mitigation?

Mr Beatwell Chaya: M'Lud, I appeal to you as a fellow man. How would you feel if you heard that your wife was seen with another man? Of course it was my duty to beat her. I was just surprised when she died shortly afterwards. Of all the times I have beaten her, this was the first time she died.

Justice Nyandetal: I find you not guilty of murder, but guilty of manslaughter. But I also recognise the extenuating circumstances, because it is the duty of a man to discipline his wife. When you heard your wife was with another man, naturally you fell into a rage. Any man would do the same. You felt it your duty to enforce discipline in the household. I accept the evidence that you did not know, at the time, that the story about your wife was completely false.

I therefore sentence you to three months simple imprisonment. Since you have already spent four months in custody waiting for trial, you may leave the court a free man. But I must warn you against beating your next wife in the same way. When she misbehaves, I advise you to beat her with a stick, not an axe.

I could certainly see why Judge Nyandetal was a big star on prime time television in the States. I could hear the CNN commentator speaking to his satellite link, saying 'What will the Nyandetal Man do next week? Why watch Dallas on M-Net when you can watch Lusaka on CNN? Don't miss Judgement Day, every Thursday on CNN!'

No wonder the Playhouse died, I thought to myself, the audience has all gone up the road to the High Court. Next week we were all there again, for another Judgement Day.

Justice Nyandetal: Before I pass judgement, has the accused anything to say in mitigation?

Mrs Mercy Amamenyewa: I appeal to you M'Lud. I admit that I killed my husband, but I could stand no more. He used to drink kachasu every Saturday, and then beat me for nothing. When I found him in bed with a hule, something snapped. I lost control.

Justice Nyandetal: This is not a plea of mitigation, but a further admission of guilt, and a horrifying glimpse into your criminal mind. It is my duty to protect society from the likes of you. Above all, it is my duty to protect husbands from wives like you.

You have even tried to justify your behaviour by complaining that your husband liked a drink on a Saturday night. There must be something warped in your thinking. There is no law against drinking. Every husband is entitled to a drink on a Saturday night, without coming home to face the panga.

It is no use complaining that your husband used to beat you, when it is the duty of husbands to discipline their wives. My view is that he didn't discipline you sufficiently, or you would not be before this court today.

As for finding your husband in bed with another woman, there is nothing illegal in that. In customary law, he is entitled to take a second wife. Your duty was to thank your husband for having found an additional wife, who would be able to share your burden of conjugal and domestic duties.

Your husband did nothing wrong, and yet you gave him a sentence of death. You are guilty of murder, and therefore also deserve the sentence of death. I sentence you to hang by the neck until you are dead.

'CUT!' shouted the CNN man, as the audience clapped and cheered.

But these CNN people are hard to please. Afterwards I managed to overhear the CNN man talking to Nyandetal. 'That bit about the burden of conjugal duty was not in the script,' he said. 'Our American audience won't like that bit. Stick to the script next week, or I shall have to hire another judge!'